Each morning or afternoon (depending on what shift I am working) I roll out of bed, and the time stretches before me and I must fill it with something. What will the day bring? At that foggy moment as my feet touch the floor so much is determined about the progression of my day. The circumstances, the events, and the responsibilities of my life do not have as much an affect on my day as my attitude when my feet hit the floor. Much of how my day is going to go is determined by what is going on inside my own head.
There are a lot of things happening in the world at large and in my own back yard that I have absolutely no control over. As the days pass and the circumstances continue to develop both nationally, locally and in my own household, I find myself struggling mentally and emotionally. What happened to those days when all I had to worry about was getting to work on time and how to divide up my paycheck between all my creditors and still have enough money to do a few things like buy groceries and gas? When did those days become the good old days?
There is a dark edge to my thoughts at times that would lead me down a pathway I don’t want to explore. There are things happening in my world that are redefining my life in ways I never anticipated nor wished for. I am struggling in my microcosm even as the world at large seems to be convulsing and thrashing about remaking itself into something not quite recognizable. There is no plan, no preparation, no hedge against the forces at work that will promise a good outcome. There is only me and my determination and my attitude standing on the edge of the abyss.
What can I do? I know what I cannot do. I cannot control or affect events transpiring in far away places, no matter how many hours of media I consume. I cannot control what is happening in my own life beyond trying to insure that I deal with it with empathy, and compassion even as I try not to become embittered and resentful. Every day I will face this challenge and I am discovering every day that I will not always rise to the challenge. Some days I leave the field, head bowed in defeat, crushed by my perceived failures. Other days I stride confidently towards the end of the day knowing I’ve got this, I can do what needs to be done. I have yet to find that middle ground where life just is and this is what I do.
It’s all in my head. My perception and my thoughts will determine my course through this. What I feed my psyche will strengthen or weaken me. We must use care in this world full of so much knowledge. Knowledge is power and what we consume is fuel. Feed well and do not starve the heart of the truths that matter most.
Be kind, do not envy or be full of pride. Do not let the world provoke you. Be aware of your thoughts, do not rejoice in evil. Seek the truth and be patient with yourself and others. Find Hope and believe in goodness. It still lives in this world. We may have to endure for a while, but that steadfastness will prove that the darkness is ethereal and can be navigated. Nothing in this world lasts forever. In that statement there is heartache and promise.